What becomes of the broken hearted?

Being heart broken is a thing anyone cannot eschew (unless you haven't experienced love at all or you're just so adaptive). In my intricate mind, there is this place called the land of tears wherein every color lost its hue and there's this heavy burden that settled in your heart. This the place that my mind goes whenever I feel this negative feeling. I kneel at the land's treacherous mud and fight against the cold shivering rain. All of these happen inside my head, causing my mood to be inconstant. But I really sing good whenever I feel down like this. I also have the tendency to help people with their problems from time to time. Nevertheless, I really don't want to feel this thing anymore. The problem is, I am the type of person who can't be moved in just a short period. I am a withstanding oasis in the middle of a dessert. No matter how impossible it seems, I keep going to follow my feelings of attraction to this person.

Sometimes, in this land, there are scavengers. They are the thoughts who feed upon the past things I consider unplesant and when these scavengers devour them, their stench really reminds me of their detail. They say I'm incapable of accepting the truth as well as moving on. That I'm stupid to have these feelings for him and Arghhh.... How I wish he would put up an end to this..


I continue to lament upon this sweetest mistake I made. I'm trapped in the land of tears, searching upon the portal that would transport me in this piece of heaven the successful ones experience when they're in lurv...

The Graveyard of Hopes and Dreams

The smoke reached the boy’s lungs and constricted him. The boy coughed loudly, catching the attention of everyone who is riding the jeep all the way to Taft Avenue. He looks away and apologizes, groaning about the fuel odor combined with the black smoke. Clank, the jeep bumped because of the potholes made by the mosaic-like asphalt in the road. As his head throbbed in pain for hitting the metal bar above him, he yelled loudly, “BAKIT GANITO SA ‘PINAS(Why is it like this in the Philippines)? An old woman replied “*Leche, tumahimik ka nga diyan *iho. Kung hindi ka masasanay dito, umalis ka na(Can you please be quiet? If you can’t adapt here, better leave)… The boy, known as Hector Valdez, shrugged and showed of his arrogance. He knocked loudly against the ceiling of the jeep and signaled that he would go down. The driver followed quickly, beeping his horn automatically to attract passengers. No one knew that even before he rode the jeep, his day was already ruined by his classmates who kept eschewing their project by allotting imaginary dates.

As a boy who grew up from a foreign land, Hector had no idea what is it like being a Filipino. His father is a pure blood British and his departed mother was a Filipina. Hector was sent in the Philippines because his father had to leave him under the care of Paciana, his aunt. The boy studies in a prestigious science school whose name can be changed through the hands of a powerful autocrat. He is the president of his class, a known varsity player and a silver medalist. Though fulfilling all his duties both in school and in his house, Hector did not feel satisfied with his life in the country. He knew that inside, there is an empty space that needs to be filled.

He entered inside a park, filled with butterflies and mild breeze. As he continued to walk, he realized that the place is a graveyard. He sat in one of the benches with a couple of pigeons, trying to nib his shirt. The boy looked at the trees with withering leaves and gloomy twigs. His eyes traveled to a tombstone which stated:

Here lies Dr. J--------------
Hoping that his wishes and dreams of supporting the youth maybe unearthed and kept forever while his body may rot to its very core.

Another one said
Here rests the body Gen. E--------------
“The will of a brave mind does not bend to anyone; for he knew the Lord was with him….”

All of the tombstones convey a single message as Hector scrubbed his eyes. It seemed like a dream, trying to give him a message from the different icons of his country. He continued to stroll and wept until he reached the last tombstone. It said

This is the body of a martyr named J-------------------------
Believing that standing out against the sinful crowd and herding God’s flock is better for a short period of time is better than living a lifetime of wickedness…
His spirit rose and went for the gate. He looked at the society full of unguided people, tyrants, and beggars. He has the God-given knowledge no man living knew. The cemetery lay behind him, buzzing him of every thought he got from these heroes. This is the time, he has to act…

(prepare for a sequel)

The enigmas of the day

Out of the blue, I suddenly felt that I’m very weak. In the corner, I sat, pondering about the things that have passed recently. One of those things was him... Crap, I really don’t want to put a lot of drama but the fiery sentiments kept coming. I wonder why I find it hard to talk to him or perhaps look at him whenever he’s there. I also find it quick to be atrocious in his presence. I hate it when I see him but I really feel contented in searching for him in the crowd. What this feeling’s called anyway?

A few moments later, my mind drifted for the next subject. We would be checking our test papers. HMMMMM… I mean MMMMMM… Look around burbies, there ARE tricksters in the midst. They may be an icon, a meek sheep or a critic or anybody else but The One who sees all we do knows that they are changing their answers. Well if not, they might have copied or asked or used a mirror just to satisfy their palpable blank items. Oh my gosh, what if they receive higher marks than those who are studying really hard… I mean, what if injustice rules over the truth? Here I am to act :))… Just wait for the phantom is lurking…

This day leaves me the image of the great unknown for love, academics as well as camaraderie. Gtg..I have to make my pot and research…

Stop Look and Listen (Lyrics by PJFL, Melody by LAFL)

With all the things that's happening

In this crazy world of ours

You'll always feel your head spinning

Round and round and round and round

All the people running here and there

You just have to pop

Sometimes it's too much to bear

And you just want to stop

[Chorus]

Stop, look, and listen's all you gotta do

Take a break, look around, and know what's good for you

You know you want to so just give in

Come on, baby, just stop, look and listen


People take things too quickly nowadays

Days flit by in just a mere second

Just wait a sec while the music plays

And sing to the world, yeah, baby, say

[Chorus]


Now come and take my hand

We'll escape from this busy world

Let's fly away and leave all this behind

Go, go, just say the word

The greatest thing you'll ver learn is to love and be loved in return"

Love, love, love...this is what they all think about. In their group messages, their status in Yahoo! Messenger, in Facebook, in the billboards, in the clouds. Sometimes I wonder if it would be Valentine's Day everyday...

As a typical human being, I exist to love...Actually this is what women actually do. They do things for their loved ones. A nun does her chores patiently because she loves God. A teenager puts the best make-up, the best dress and the best pair of shoes, for she wants to impress her crush/boyfriend. A mother watches the Lifestyle Network all day long just to find the most delicious meals she could prepare, because she loves her family. A teacher finds the most delightful activities, just to catch the attention of her beloved students. Even a lowly woman seeks for love.

I don't need to explain why love can be the most beautiful thing for anyone has seen numerous statements about love. It sets emotions on fire, with the greatest hope their beloved would love them back.

How a heart laments when its sought after pair doesn't want to accept it back. No matter how hard the effort is, how much the amount of letters, the countless songs it offered... The beholder goes to the land of tears, breaking into fragments until a new interest takes place...

The Wound that Healed

The police’ siren rang like the wailing woman on the way to the crime scene. A priest from a church in Mahogany St. has been shot in the head from a M1911 pistol. He was accompanied by two women before who appeared they came from a nearby club. Out of nowhere, a mysterious man in black projected the bullet with no regret. How could this criminal shoot a man of God? He looks up to the sky, salutes it and comes down from the billboard he climbed. He approaches the police car and waves Hello. The police smiles back. What a card…

This man is called Bruin Sparks. He is the personal manager of the Ivonricks Company. Killing and making bullets are his secret hobbies, making him more peculiar and mysterious. All his crimes were untraceable and he as a criminal was branded “Hades” in the police station. If someone would know him by heart, they would approach him with fear and carefulness. Even his bosses were afraid of him. He is a person who doesn’t like to disturbed yet a real genius when asked for a project or a strategic approach on reports.

The man now sat on a nearby lake, polishing his bullets made of jacketed lead and copper. He was approached by a kid with a age of seven. He pointed his gun with a boiling feeling inside. The kid smiled.
“Gee, what a beautiful gun you have there, mister? It’s just like in the movies…”
]”Shut your pipe hole kid. I don’t want to be bothered.”
“That’s very rude for a respectable man like you.”
“Respectable? Who are you calling respectable, I just killed a priest.”

Bruin grinned widely as he waited for the child to scream in terror. But the kid continued to talk as if it was a normal conversation. “I’m sure everybody gets bored when they hear priests give sermons but why shoot the priest?” “He’s gagging the tow whores that he’s with” the killer replied angrily, looking down again to his bullets. “Aren’t priests banned from doing that?” “Of course they were.” “Yeah, but why shoot the priest?” The kid kept asking on. “Go back to your mother kid. You’re forcing me to kill you as well. I shoot the priest because he raped my sister, three years ago.” “Oh, that’s very sad. You should’ve forgiven him.” The man looked with contempt. “I don’t care if you talk like God, kid. I killed tons of people and I hate when somebody asks me why I killed them. Get lost.” “You’re being irrational for a grown-up man. I know why you killed them” The man looked surprised and thought Maybe I’m facing God. Maybe this is my last day. Bruin stood up and cleaned the place. He’s trying to eschew the boy “Did it ever come to you that when you have a problem, you have to terminate it?” Bruin explained. “I killed them because they were the cause of my problems. I saved others at the same time, freeing them from the burden they get from this people.” “Really? How about the people who loved them the most? Do you think, it would be okay for them…” The man fixed a cold stare at the boy. “You know nothing.” He turned his back at the child, ready to leave. “It is because you did not let go of your problems” “Huh?” The kid blow up a balloon and fixed a string. It was made ready to float. He gave this to Bruin. “My mom said that if you have this problems, all you have to do is tell it to God and pass it all to him. Now is the time for you to do the same.” The man took the balloon from the child and whispered something to the balloon. “Now let go. Have you said everything?” “Yes.” The man let the balloon go and watched it soar. He threw all this bullets in the water with the gun. “It’s not easy you know”, he said to the child. “I know, but you have to trust in Him. Do you know the Bible?” “Yes but I won’t read it.. My mother had it held near her heart when she was shot by my father. My sister clasped it when the accident was finished. My brother took it in his grave.” “Try reading it.” The kid offered. They parted ways when Bruin saw the police car. A parade of mourning supporters was following the corpse of the priest. Bruin approached the police car and surrendered himself. He kept smiling all the time. The officer said “You’re a strange man that you were even proud of what you did. Why did you surrender, do you know you would be getting a life sentence? ““I guess it would be better living inside a cell with your wounds all mended up by a single balloon. Besides, I’ve got a good book to read.” Bruin slept comfortably inside the car when the child looked from the chair beside the driver’s seat.

No matter how the wind blows, the mountain cannot bow to it"

The day was full of topsy-turvy events. Just this morning, I wasn't able to attend the First Friday Mass and the launching of the Buwan ng Wika because the auditorium was too crowded. I asked Paul to take a picture of the dance so I can submit for Journalism in case we need to. We had a quiz on Journalism about Cory Aquino. We also had the priviledge to express our tribute for her when our teaches asked us to write a feature story pertaining to the things she had accomplished for the country. The truth is, some of my ideas were sort of copied from my essay in English. After that, we had a free time because III-Berzeilus attended Comsci 3. We have the same time of that subject with them and I guess it was their turn for the Friday sched. MAPEH class was a total blow for us. Sermons took place. Luckily, i didn't hear the reat of those because we were called to settle a problem regarding our Friday sched. I don't want to tell you this yarn because there were a lot of names involved. After that, we had a terrific discussion in Social Studies. Our teacher was an eye-opener for us students. She discussed that the significant person who has just died recently was praised with words not appropriate for her. Her deeds have been overmeasured. The description of her regime, exaggerated and as well her personality. Wow. She owns ABS-CBN at her regime pala... The wise words of our teacher that struck me most were "The media can manipulate us. No matter how dirty a person is, they try to smother him/her with all these perfumes that make him/her appealing to the public. Kaya kayo mga bata, sanayin niyong magbasa at mag-isip tungkol dun para balang araw, marunong kayo mag-criticize/ makita ang katotohanan sa likod ng mga bagay-bagay." It struck me because I was an editorial writer and I have to be precise in giving my opinions. Just awhile ago, I was giving these labels to the said person we were tackling, the labels which our teacher was referring too. Too ironical... Ouch. Remembering I wrote these praises despite the falsehood it hides.

Contemplating upon this, we headed for the Sound Experience studio to practice. I felt kinda sad when I learned that one of our band members would not be coming. I understood her for the day was too tiring. I felt more dissappointed when one of my band members proposed we should get another singer. It is because she said that no one in our band could fit into the song. Ouch again. I felt that she was referring to me, who was the vocalist all along... I kinda did the voice Katy Perry has because my throat has a scar already. I also thought that maybe I don't have a good voice. Awww, so much for the piano vocalization stuff....

I rode the jeep for the second time. It was fun because the jeep carried a maximum of 6 passengers all the way through MCU. Hahahaha. I took pictures and I tried to read The Tales of the Grimm Brothers. It took me 30 minutes before going home. I still pondered about the things that happened today, that I have to make my stand with or against the icon and whether I would be discouraged to sing again... :( But let me tell you this, despite of these problems, I would continue doing my best in everything I can for God and my parents who expect much from me...

How does a preoccupied mind think?

Classes were suspended due to fact the typhoon "Kiko" came back to the Philippines with a speed of 130km/hr (according to Gelli). Before this event happened, Jonah Garcia and I arranged a lot of things for the Atomos bulletin board. After 1 week, this bulletin board still lies blank. Why? For this kind of time, students are stacked with a lot of projects and we are too preoccupied to focus only to this activity. But I got a peculiar experience with Jonah; I confided her my innermost feelings about this person and she too revealed her own. I realized we're both lying in the same scenario. But I told her we are lucky because not many would be that close to the people they admire/look up to. Well, the conversation was too heavy for me explain yet I find it noble for us girls who plunge into the sacrificial pool just to make others *ehem* happy.

After this, II-Thales and I went to KFC. I garnered the best company and to tell you honestly I kinda missed this group. They respect me at the same time have fun with me no matter how cloudy the skies were. I rode the jeepney on the way home. This was my first time riding all the way to Monumento. I acquired countless experiences. One of them was having interviewed by this students (I dunno what school they came from). They asked me if studying in MSHS was difficult and I told them that as long as you keep focused on studying your notes regularly, you won't fall out (Shucks, GC). They asked these personal questions in which I didn't answer a lot of them. One of them suddenly introduced. His name is Anthony and he told me when do I leave. I told him the answer and replied that he will follow me (Goodness). I looked away from him. Time ran like the wind and it was time for me to get of the jeepney. He followed and said "Have my umbrella since yours is already broken." The irony is, it wasn't raining at that time. I just said a courteous "No" and thanked him. What a queer guy. A second, he introduces then suddenly, you're with him and you're friends. As Anthony and I separated ways, I thanked God for the day and walked home... It made the day unique among the others...Gee, I miss walking across the church

“There are many who would choose not to help sinners…”

As an observer, I always lie in wait to watch for the simple scenarios in everyday life. They help me to reflect what is already there or what is essential to gain. With this explanation, I impart you my story:

In one gloomy day, when I was walking way home, I saw a ragged man who was pushing a cart full of bottles and newspapers. Some people say, he is “The man who did not study well in school that is why he contributes burden in our society (A.K.A Salot sa Lipunan). For that, he is pointed out as a sinner, who is ignorant, foolish and vague. Others would brand him as “The thief who uses his looks to gain both pity and money.” To this, people would frown and look at him with loathing. I cannot forget to add the crowd who eschews him because he is made the way he is (dirty, foul and rotten). They say “Our body is the temple of God, why abandon it like that? This careless comment makes our ragged man a sinner. We cannot forget the recent development of thought to this man got; he is “The man who is used by a consortium to gain money through their begging. Though they are many, none of them would choose to reach their hand out to this man, offer him a “Hello” or give alms. Why? It is because they know what he is today is the reason of his own actions and that, they could never excuse him for anything. He has his own life and we have our own. In short, “We don’t care…”

There are people who would opt to help this ragged man but they are also constricted upon the conflict of what is KINDNESS nowadays. The practical would say “You are considered stupid if you give help to people like that”. How, this considerate person would say. “It is because you are teaching them to be dependent of your help. You are showing them the easy way which to us laboring mammals, are wrong. Look, if they are given blessings in just a matter of time while we work our entire lives to get these blessings, it would be unfair.” The kind one defeated of notion, leaving them behind. He must contemplate another cause to prevail his point. On the other hand, the blind mammals are rejoicing they think they have influenced this individual. They feast with their laughs and think of another development to abolish the idea of helping. So much for this practicality…

Out of a sudden, I diverted my direction and helped the man on the street while he picked his things as the street vendor ordered him to leave. I remembered I was not in my uniform and I am a stranger that remains to be mysterious. I saw a lot of people with raised eyebrows and whispering. There are lots of scowling faces, showing that what I am doing is not acceptable anymore to the society. I ignored and continue to help this man with his cart. I conversed with him and he told me he was an illegal resident of that area and he had been circling for three days. I said if I just report his problem to our barangay captain, he replied OK. I was satisfied. Before we departed to our separate ways, I handed him all the money I have and the snack I offered and ran. I knew he was going to return it to me for he wouldn’t even accept the snack I offered (“I ate already” he explains but I think the expression of hunger was written all over his face). After that I wept.

I did not weep because out of the crowd I stepped out and did an effort to help but got forsaken for it. The society at the present time was clouded by the idea of being trapped in a hard time (How could this be a hard time when there are a lot of improvements around?). They accepted the value of practicality over kindness while the truth is kindness can take you further and pertains not more to life but more than life. Let me make it clear for these people. Do you know why we are trapped in this so-called “Hard time”? It is because you only think of yourselves. It is because you cannot afford to help people anymore and do the exact opposite: you have learned to love dragging people down so you can be called as “the people who are higher than ‘them’”. You cannot find peace until you have learned you are greater upon others. That is why you don’t like to help sinners; because you think they should be in the lower circle of hell than you.